To Hell with Buttercream

Listen to what this McFatty did today. Oh, it's embarrassing. For breakfast I went back to the daggum buttercream. Remember the shiz that made me physically ill the day before? Today I decided to smother it on graham crackers for the most important meal of the day. wtf? Why on God's green Earth would I do that?? I didn't even think twice about doing it. It just happened so quickly. I don't even know if I tasted what I was eating. After realizing what I just did to myself (sabotaging my day within seconds) let's just say I had a nervous breakdown. That was just a little too low even for me. Most of my compulsive eating and bingeing happens outside of my home in social settings so to know that this was starting to happen within my own safe haven was scary. After a few minutes of crying out to Jesus (literally), He pulled me together and I decided that it wasn't going to ruin my day. I even logged the calories into MyFitnessPal. It is 100x harder to log after a binge because a. You feel so guilty b. you don't want to face the truth and c. You can't remember what or how much you were able to shove into your pie hole in such a short amount of time. I digress. Well, after logging I had a whole 900 calories left. That felt manageable but we were going to my sister in laws graduation party. A party that my husband was catering for and I baked the goodies for (did I mention my husband is a chef? helpful, right?) so there were going to be some challenges ahead. But the fact of the matter was I did really, really well throughout the day. I tried to keep myself busy outside with the girls and mingled as much as possible away from the food table. I only ate when I was hungry and I was feeling confident in the day! And then it happened. All of a sudden out of no where I had the thought "today can be your last cheat day until you start fresh tomorrow." and the day went to Hell. I went to the food table and loaded up. LOADED UP and ate it all including two cupcakes (with the friggin' buttercream icing!!) and two iced sugar cookies. Where in the world did the thought of having a cheat day come from?! Before that thought I was feeling just fine with the day. I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything and I didn't feel like I needed to stuff myself and then out of the blue my day did a 360. Let me tell you, I believe in Satan and Satan likes to sabotage. That was Satan's work right there. He better believe that his sinanigans aren't going to work on me. Here's to a new day!